The Fruitcake

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DEDICATION: This is to Saffron who wanted Willow to die from a fruitcake and Buffy to get her ass groped in the fic. It's very, very bad, Saffron, but it was worth a try. :)

Willow, dressed in a fuzzy pink sweater and turquoise corduroy pants, waltzed in and out of Giles’s kitchen humming under her breath. It had been several days since she had cast the spell to have her will done and she was still busy making amends for it. Every time she finished one thing, Giles found another thing for her to do. Currently, she was making fruitcakes for him to give to his neighbors for the holidays.

Sighing, she glanced at the stack of ingredients on the table and began to sing, figuring she may as well make the most of it. ”I have a little dreidl. I made it out of clay. And when it's dry and ready, My dreidl I shall play-“

“Willow!” Spike yelled, his voice echoing down the hallway from the bathroom. “If you sing that song again then I will kill you. I’m not going to keep saying it.”

“Listen you,” she called back loudly. “I have given you extra blood and let you listen to Queen so I suggest you keep quiet now.”

“I’m trying to sleep!” Spike yanked the chains that had him strapped in the bathtub and tried to reach the pillow that was behind him. When he couldn’t grab it and cover his ears, he shouted, “Can you come here?”

Rolling her eyes, Willow wiped her hands on her apron and stalked down the hallway. “What is it now, Spike?”

“When is Giles coming back?” He asked, glaring her up and down when she shoved the door open. “Bloody Hell, Willow! What is on your head?”

“A hair net. I don’t want to get any hair in these fruitcakes. And Giles had a date so I don’t know when he’ll be back. What do you want?”

“My pillow isn’t comfortable anymore. Give it to me?” Spike sat up and nodded back toward his pillow. “And I’m all sore. Giles lets me walk around for a while in the evenings and he wasn’t here tonight.”

“I’m not a fool!” Willow shook her head and crossed her arms.

“You sure look like one. Hasn’t anyone ever told you that a woman is supposed to accentuate her looks instead of … looking like that?” Spike pointed his finger at her mismatched clothes. “You look rough and all weepy.”

“Are you finished?” Willow asked, biting her lower lip. Despite the fact that he was an evil vampire, what he said stung. “Because you aren’t looking exactly good lately, you know? And I seem to recall that you were a slobbering mess all over me when Dru left you and you wanted that stupid spell.”

Spike narrowed his eyes and slammed his fist on the side of the tub. “Damn you, witch. You couldn’t have done that spell any way!”

“And why not?”

“If you can’t do a simple spell to make yourself look human then you sure as hell can’t do a simple love spell.” He shrugged and added, “Are you going to fix my pillow?”

“No.” Willow stuck her tongue out at him and spun on her heel. As soon as she was in the hallway, she started to sing again. “I have a little dreidl. I made it out of clay. And when it's dry and ready, My dreidl I shall play.”

“WILLOW!” Spike yanked the chains as hard as he could and cringed when his wrists began to bleed. “Shut up right now. You’re pissing me off!”

“Oh dreidl dreidl dreidl, I made it out of clay. Oh dreidl dreidl dreidl, My dreidl I shall play” Laughing loudly, Willow continued to sing and picked up her mixing bowl.

Spike slammed his head against the back of the tub and tugged on the chains again. He was stunned when one of his hands pulled free, the blood making the chain slide off easily. “Oh, yes, yes, yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

As soon as he was free, he stood quickly and grabbed a bobby pin off of the sink. Within seconds, he had picked the lock on the ankle manacles and stepped from the tub. The first thing he did was stretch and bend his legs, groaning at the deep ache in his muscles.

“It has a lovely body, With leg so short and thin, And when it gets all tired, It drops and then I win.” Willow screamed the lyrics and cocked her head to one side. “Spike, do you want to sing the chorus with me?”

Spike leaned against the kitchen doorway, watching her. “No thank you.”

Willow spun quickly and dropped the bowl in the floor. Spike clucked his tongue and said, “Tsk, tsk, red. What did I say I would do to you if you kept singing that song?”

“Y-y-you said you would kill me.” Willow glanced at the counter and grabbed a wooden handled knife. “I’m not afraid to kill you first, you know?”

“And I’m not afraid you’ll kill me first. Buffy needs me alive and you know that.” He grinned and took a step into the small kitchen. Glancing at the counter, he saw several cakes that were already prepared. “I’m not going to kill you either but I am going to punish you severely.”

“”What? How?” Willow backed into the corner and watched as he lifted on of the thick, heavy cakes.

“Open up.”

“No, I hate fruitcake.” She pursed her lips and shook her head from side to side.

Spike carried the cake toward her and pinned her in the corner with his hips when she tried to move. “Now, pet, I’ve listened to you for the entire night and my ears are fucking bleeding. And let’s just face it, I haven’t gotten over the fact that you made me all spell-whipped and in love with-“ He made a quick gagging sound and drew a hand across his mouth. “Buffy.”

“But it was an accident, Spike. And I’ll be quiet now, okay. I think Giles has a bunch more records you would like. Why don’t you go look.” She struggled not to cry but she was terrified and that was the only thing she could do when horror seized her.

“Awww, look at the baby cry. I wonder if Giles keeps a bottle around here with a tight little nipple you can suck on.” Spike was enjoying his effect on her far too much. His grin was wide as he leaned close to her. “Come one now, it’s time to pay the price for getting on Spike’s nerves.”

“Please, let me go. I promise I won’t get on your nerves anymore.” Willow whimpered and then cried out when his fingers dug into her arm.

Spike allowed his demon to surface and licked his lips. It had been far too long since he felt the power he was currently feeling. “I have a theory. Would you like to hear my theory, Willow?”

“Yes, please?” She figured that as long as she was listening to him speak, she was buying herself time.

“I figure that I can’t bite you unless you’re dead.” He trailed his thumb over his tooth and felt it slice into his tongue. “It’s just a theory though and I haven’t had the chance to try it out yet. I may not get the chance again … are you following me?”

“I think so.” Willow stared at his mouth, watching as his sharp fang pricked his tongue and drew blood. “You want me to eat this cake or you’ll kill me?”

“You aren’t a fool after all but you are a little slow. I want you to eat this cake and all the ones on the counter.”

“But there are almost a dozen there and I can’t …”

“You will. I’ll risk the headache that would come from slinging this knife into your chest if you don’t.”

Willow felt hot tears coursing down her cheeks as she accepted the bite of cake he was holding up to her. Pulling it into her mouth, she chewed slowly, delicately trying not to gag.

Spike smiled and glanced at the clock on the microwave. “We don’t have all night. The clock is ticking. If you don’t have this one gone in two minutes, I’ll be very upset.”

Willow nodded and began to shove the cake into her mouth faster, closing her eyes so she wouldn’t see his smug face. It was heavy and so sugary sweet that it made her teeth ache. She swallowed without chewing much, glancing nervously at the clock.

“Do you want to sing to me again?” Spike growled, his face still baring his demon. “Do you want to sing to me about little spinning tops and laugh at me?”

She shook her head and shoved the last bite of cake into her mouth. He nodded and immediately grabbed another one. “I don’t think you’ve learned anything. Go on, eat this one.”

Whimpering, she broke a piece off and brought it to her mouth. She nibbled gingerly on the crust, clutching her stomach as it began to roll. Spike stuck out his jaw defiantly and screamed, “EAT IT FASTER!”

Willow’s eyes widened and she drew in a deep breath, sucking the cake into the back of her throat. She tried to cough, tried to clear her airway but the cake wasn’t budging. Shoving past Spike, she fumbled for a glass but stumbled and fell on her knees instead.

Spike rolled his eyes and put his hands on his hips. “Oh, for the love of Passions, get up! I wasn’t going to make you eat it all.”

Willow felt dizzy as she clawed at the sink, trying to get to her feet. Who would finish the cakes now? Who would make sure Buffy did her homework on time? Who would clean Buffy’s side of the room when Joyce was coming to visit? Who would love Oz now? Heaving, he sank back to the floor and flopped onto her stomach. She made a strange gurgling sound in the back of her throat and then the world grew dark.

Spike watched her with fascination and then nudged her with the toe of his boot. “Willow? Stop playing now. I’m serious, knock it off.”

Kneeling slowly, he rolled her onto her back and gasped. Her face was a deep purple and her eyes were wide open and were staring blankly at the ceiling. Licking his lips, he pressed his fingers against her neck and smiled. “Looks like I get to test that theory after all!”

He bared his canines and began to lower his mouth toward her neck, expecting excruciating pain. Keys jangled in the door when he was about to pierce her skin and he jumped to his feet. “Damn it all! Fuck, fuck, fuck! Look what you did, Willow. You are a fool. You killed yourself and I can’t even eat!”

Spike sprinted back down the hallway and quickly clamped the shackles back on his ankles. He groaned out as he forced his hands back into the handcuffs and peeled away more skin. When he heard the door open, he screamed, “Giles! Giles, is that you? Willow’s making awful noises and I can’t get loose to check on her.”

Giles cocked his head to one side and looked at Buffy and Xander, who were following him inside the apartment. “Buffy, go see what he’s banging on about, yes?”

Buffy nodded and started down the hallway. She paused next to the kitchen and he eyes widened. “Willow? Oh god, Willow?”

Spike smiled as he heard the Slayer shout for an ambulance and begin to sob. “Oh, how sweet the rewards.” He mumbled and sank further into the tub, happy for the first time in weeks.


Two days later.


Spike was vaguely aware of low voices in the next room. He smacked his lips several times and sat up in the tub to wait for someone to check and see if he needed anything.

Buffy opened the door and walked in, wearing a long black dress. She yanked off her black gloves and sat on the toilet, glaring at him. “Giles is very upset. The funeral was today and he feels so guilty for asking her to bake for him that he’s just a mess. I don’t know what-”

“Why are you telling me? Do you see Dear Abby stamped to my forehead?” Spike growled, staring at her panties, which he could see from his vantage point. “It’s not Giles’s fault that she was a glutton and choked herself.”

“You’re such a bastard!” Buffy cried. “I just buried my best friend and you can’t even behave yourself for one second.”

“What do you want, Slayer?” He used his foot to kick a roll of toilet paper at her. “Dry your face, you look like hell.”

“I came in here to ask you if you wanted to come into the living room with us. We’re going to look at some photos and reminisce about her.”

She leaned over the grab the toilet paper, giving Spike the perfect opportunity to grab her ass. Both of his hands shot out and grabbed her firm backside and he squeezed roughly. Buffy screamed and tripped over her own feet, landing in the floor and causing her skirt to flip over her head. Spike, getting a better view of her panties, swore loudly. “Get the hell out of here if you’re going to do that. I can’t take this drama! All the falling and crying and being a bitch is bad for my fragile frame of mind. I'm a victim you know!”

Buffy got to her feet and hit him in the forehead with the toilet roll. “As soon as I’ve finished mourning I am going to kill you. Twenty times!!!”

Spike reached for the remote control on the edge of the tub, but she grabbed it and dropped it in the commode. “Slayer, if you don’t get that right now-"

“You’ll sit there chained in the tub doing nothing.” She flipped the light off and slammed the door before stomping back into the living room.

Spike flopped against the tub and stared at the ceiling, smiling when he heard Buffy begin to sob again. This time, he could make out the sounds of Xander’s own crying and chuckled low in his throat. “You’ll never know what happened. None of you will and guess who will have the last laugh when he’s all cured and tells you all and-“

“I have a little dreidl. I made it out of clay. And when it's dry and ready, My dreidl I shall play-“ The song was loud and it drowned out the sounds of sadness that were lulling Spike into a peaceful sleep. He sat up straight and screamed, “GILES!”

But the Watcher, the Slayer and Willow’s friends were gathered around the CD player, listening to Giles promise that he would play Willow’s favorite song everyday for the rest of his life.

The End

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